As every year, on the second Sunday of May, we celebrate all the mothers of the world. I thought of writing this letter for all the ones I know, for those I don’t know, and yes, even for me, a mother for just three years.
I want to tell you that I realize how much easier it is to say “YES” rather than “NO” to our children. But we must have the strength to do it, we must think that their capricious tears will be caused for their good and not because we are exaggerated, bad or too anxious.
There are things we can’t compromise on and if it’s NO it must be NO.
We must have the pulse to make our children understand that if a friend does something, it is not said to be right for everyone and they should do it too. We must be good at this especially in the early years, the most important for their training because they shape their character and their tastes.
I say this because if a mother has enough salt in her gourd, in my opinion, she does not allow, for example, the four-year-old daughter to go around wearing makeup, with lipstick, nail polish, a shoulder bag like a little little woman. First of all because the daughter is ridiculous and consequently she passes to her mother, secondly because you want to say natural products, but on a body that is still in formation, according to you, it is good to cover it with those crap for a whim and because you mother can’t say a simple no for not wanting to hear how much? 10 minutes of tears? Come on, I think that rather than thinking about your daughter, think about your time without hearing her complain. Well, then don’t let them be born, let’s not put them in the world if we don’t have the spirit of sacrifice. Because if you are four-and-a-half, what do you do? Do you make them breast again? Do you fill it with botox, tattoos and piercings? With this I am absolutely not opposed to any of the last two things since I have both but I firmly believe, and on this I will never change my mind that everything has its age and its moment. In your opinion, is a minor able to do an indelible thing without repenting in the future? I do not think so. I know more people who are sorry for something done in adolescence than in adulthood. Often not even on the choice of studies a teenager is able to be sure what he wants to do and the cases in which he is not so are really rare.
Dear mothers, another thing, I noticed some of you raising children based on their past or present dreams. Why? Why do you have to shape your identity? If you wanted to go horse riding why do you have to do it to your little ones if they prefer tennis?
If you suffer because you like a modern cut of hair or maybe a type of shorts or microscopic top that for obvious reasons you can’t afford to wear a reason, make sure you face the passing years and don’t let your frustration fall on those poor creatures. They are children, as such they must behave, dress and live. They are not mini men or women. They have a lifetime to do so do not ruin their most beautiful and carefree years by giving them as dolls. Please.
Then of course there are desperate cases where obviously if the mother goes around dressed like a… Oh God, what term to use to not be too bad, let’s see…
Like a gentle damsel who works at the nightclub?
Here, if the mother dresses like this, it is obvious that the fifteen-year-old daughter cannot fail to take an example and do otherwise, and you, mother, can certainly not say no if you do the same. Wouldn’t you be believable and your daughter will be seen as a little good about how much? On the first night you send her to the disco and maybe take drugs secretly? (I’m deliberately exaggerating to make people understand the concept not because I wish it or should happen, be it clear.) But that’s how it often works, that’s how it often ends and yes, the dress is still the monk. Like it or not.
You decide, we decide, society decides. It cannot be changed. Right or wrong, depending on your point of view.
With this I do not doubt the good faith, education and character that anyone could have but first of all presentation is everything. The knowledge, the real one, happens then, if the presentation was positive.
So dear mother, please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of their future, let us learn to say more “no” buckets than “yes”, we learn, first to set an example of education of the past, when we were kids the only thing we wanted to do was play outside with friends in overalls and get dirty badly. Not the fashionable dress, the enamel, the heeled shoe, the mobile phone, the tuft of hair on one side half a meter long and shaved on the other … We give everything at the right moment, let them conquer what they want in small steps, if they will enjoy it better, for more time and with the right responsibility. Teach them to say “thank you”, “please”, “good morning” and “good evening”. Not “hello” or “give me here”. Let’s teach them again to give her to the professors and let the professors not give you the tu. Like respect for institutions, even if they are shaky and wrong with us, but tomorrow those same institutions will be our children. It takes very little but if you don’t do it right away everything will be lost.
I am not perfect as a mother, I will never be perfect and none of us will be, let’s accept it, but when I praise my son for being polite to a compliment on his beauty I fill myself with joy, it means that I am pulling on a person who in the future it will not lack respect, and it will always be on the side of the just as only education can make you be.
Let’s not get lost behind their whims by giving them won just to make them feel good. It’s easier for us, but it’s not right for them.
I heard an exasperated mother try to make her teenage daughter feel good by promising him a cashmere sweater and being answered:
“One, I don’t have time. Two, how much can you spend? And three, stay the same old beggar! “
Here came the chills. And unfortunately it is only our fault in such cases and right now they are far from sporadic.
Furthermore we should never let anyone fight with our mothers and if someone does it should be sent to that country, because that someone can always leave, a mother can’t. A mother is forever and it is to her that we owe our lives.
My mom is my best friend, as well as my example of education, style and many other things. But, I confess, before I became one, I didn’t have a good time with her. It must be said. During adolescence I gave her a hard time. Quarrels endlessly for everything, different points of view, I felt myself suffocating in an education and a way of seeing things that were exaggerated for me and out of the world. True, but now, in hindsight, I thank you infinitely for all those solid foundations. And it will be so for our children. Now they have endless whims, tomorrow they’ll scream behind us, slamming the bedroom door, but then they’ll thank us. Be honest, we all did it.
Dear mum, for my mom, if you read me and you have come this far THANK YOU. Thanks for never letting me use nail polish before the age of 17 (at the time it wasn’t even fashionable but nowadays I think they would have been fights and you wouldn’t have given up, so at most I would have torn you off a year less ;P) . Thank you for buying me the first 5cm heel at 16 and for sending me to the disco for the first time at age 16 with my uncles and the second time at 18 for my birthday. Thank you for teaching me Italian first and then dialect and making me cover rather than undress. Thank you for having always gone along with my study choices despite having nevertheless discovered my true passion once finished. Thanks for not letting me ever pass a smoother and for always having been beside me even when we were screaming behind. Thank you for teaching me that if I wanted one I had to earn it by working and teaching me to always give her to someone who is even older than a couple of years if I don’t know him. Thank you for teaching me to know how to say no, for the grandmother you are and for what I am today with you, with my son, with me and with the world.
AND THANKS to all the mothers to whom we feel we can say thank you. Because anyway, for better or for worse they always and unconditionally love us and will always be there waiting for us at all times to give us the right advice, the necessary strength, the unwelcome but always useful reproach, the indispensable stimulus, thank you for everything.
that you passed by here to read and we do not know each other, to you I say only good morning, pleasure, I understand you. I know how difficult it is, I know how challenging it is and I know how often you want to scream. Mine are just my words but they are all for you not being able to physically embrace you for the commitment that every day you put into raising someone that tomorrow, maybe, thanks to you too could make the difference. Let us shake our hands because first of all we are also women and we have a lot of inner strength and courage to sell.
I Love You.
And now everybody’s crazy about mini-me outfits, so…
Dear mother, I dress like you!